Thursday, January 17, 2019

I Remember


I remember twenty. Being young and on the edge of everything, itching to set the world on fire.

I remember thirty. A job I loved, a man I adored. Kicking the world's ass and loving every minute of it.

I remember forty. A home, a husband, a three year old wonder who looked at me like I set the stars in the sky even though I was exhausted and cranky.

I remember fifty. The boy now a teen, tall and snarky and utterly frustrating. The career tabled to care for my aging father. Splitting my time between two sides of the country and feeling like I was never where I was needed most. But I was writing, spinning worlds out of words endlessly, I was swamped with possibility and eager to continue.

Now I stand on the cusp of sixty. My boy is now a man with a life and companion of his own. My husband lost to the ravages of a disease he never admitted would claim him. My father dead six months later when age finally caught up to him. My words have fled, and the hours spin out endlessly before me. I fear a decade of anxiety and panic and endless aching want for the things I had, and thought I appreciated, but never had enough time or energy to give my all to.

Last January I thoughtlessly proclaimed I was coming out of the worst year ever. It was hard, certainly, but I still had my husband, my father, my son, the people I built my life around. Now I while away the hours cleaning and sorting and repairing my hovel because it is all that is left. The future stretches on in an endless haze of silence and avoidance and dread.

Cherish what you have, because everything passes and it never comes back.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

After the worst year ever...



As you may (or may not) have noticed, I have been far more absent than present of late. The past year or so has rocked me off of my foundations and I currently lack the spoons to do much of anything. In November of 2016 my husband fell ill. In February of last year the cause was determined to be pancreatic cancer. Three days later he was whisked into surgery for ten hours to have half his pancreas, half his stomach, his duodenum (the part of the intestine connected to the stomach), his gall bladder, and over 30 lymph nodes removed. We were hopeful that, indeed, surgery had managed to remove all the cancer and he would be one of the lucky few who survive this devastating illness. Once surgical recovery was done chemotherapy started. Several trips a week to the infusion center, for chemo, for fluids, for shots to bolster his immune system, not to mention the inevitable hospitalizations when those efforts failed.

Through all this I maintained a stoic exterior. I went to every appointment, talked to every doctor and nurse, and continued to keep life as normal as possible for everyone. I drove the kids to work and school, did the shopping and cleaning, tempted my husband to eat even when he wasn't hungry, and, in general, tried to soldier on as if normalcy could drive the shadow from our doorstep.

My efforts were futile. In January his condition deteriorated to the point where no more treatments were possible and he was transitioned to hospice care. Four weeks later he was dead. I knew it was coming, I thought I was prepared...but nothing prepares you to lose your partner of 36 years. And now I am adrift. I spend every day seconds away from a panic attack. The nervous churning in my gut is a constant. Sleep eludes me at night and dogs me during the day. Food is an uphill battle...and I cannot seem to get anything accomplished, even though there is a pile of urgent matters I need to tackle.

At the best of times I have issues with communicating verbally. Face to face is difficult, and just the thought of speaking on the telephone sends me huddling in a corner. Yet there are urgent phone calls to be made, and I no longer have a partner to delegate those tasks to. I also need to go back to work. After a decade of freelancing while I divided my time between home and caring for my aging father, I now have to somehow convince an employer that I am worthy of hiring at the ripe old age of 59. The cost of battling cancer has left me deeply in debt, with all my retirement and savings long gone.

So...for many reasons I haven't been as visible as I once was. I may become even less visible as I struggle to climb back out of the emotional and financial pit I have fallen into. But I haven't forgotten you. I want to come back. I even have some wonderful ideas percolating that, with luck, may even make it onto the page.

Miss you all very much.

Friday, August 18, 2017

New Release from Juliette Banks - Out of the Darkness



"I can't keep traipsing three miles every time I want to spank that delectable little behind of yours."
As a beautiful and famous model, she has the life many young girls dream of.
Yet the missing father; the predatory stepfather; the abusive lover; they all let her down, and damaged her judgement about the men she meets.
She thought she had met the man of her dreams, yet fate was cruel.
Until one day, at an airport, she meets the strong, yet kind, dominant man she had longed to meet.
Is he the man she has sought her whole life? Will he show her the way out of the darkness and into the loving, submissive relationship she has always craved?


"Oh I work hard, but I play hard, too. Do you play hard, Marianne?"



NOTE: This book was previously published, under the same title but with a different cover, under the author name of Rachel de Vine. The book has sweet romance, but also contains explicit sex and some BDSM practices. If this material offends you, please do not purchase.

Now on sale at Amazon for only $.99 for one short week

Amazon US       Amazon UK       Amazon Canada        Amazon Australia

We were scarcely inside the door before William issued his first command. "Down. On all fours."
His instructions were given in a calm, quiet tone, but I knew that he meant business. I dropped to the floor immediately and waited, head bowed, awaiting further instructions.
"Crawl over to the middle of the room."
I crawled slowly on hands and knees across the room and stopped. For all my submission, I had never felt so powerful and sexually voracious. I heard William go over to the bar and pour himself a drink. I heard the clink of a glass stopper and knew he’d poured a whisky or brandy from one of the decanters on top of the bar. He walked back towards me and stopped a few feet behind me. He stood for perhaps a minute, without moving. I couldn’t see him but I sensed his eyes taking in the curve of my bottom beneath the silk dress.
"Lift up your dress. I want to see you."
I shuddered with sexual anticipation and did as he said. I couldn’t resist arching my back and pushing out my bottom as I did so.
Again he remained still, looking at me. Again he waited in silence for at least a minute.
"Exquisite."
He left me where I was and went over to one of the armchairs and sat down with his drink, and said nothing for a couple of minutes. I was beginning to relax when he again spoke. "Anticipation."
He didn’t continue for a moment and I was unsure if I was expected to respond in some way, or whether this was an instruction of which I was unfamiliar.
"Anticipation is the key. You are anticipating what I might do with you. I’m anticipating the pleasure that awaits us. Our minds are slowly increasing the sexual tension. Don't you agree, Marianne, that anticipation is the key?"
"A man could go to war in defence of a body like yours, you know. You hold most men in the palm of your hand.”


He took off my dress and my bra, and I sat before him, head lowered, ready to submit. "Stand up. Place your hands flat on the cushion of the other chair, and spread your legs, and wait for me to attend to you."
I did as instructed and heard William get up and walk away, either to his bedroom or bathroom. I trembled, partly with nerves and partly with sexual expectation. One minute passed, then two. I remembered what he had said about anticipation. This was my time to anticipate what lay ahead, and the sexual need within me doubled in strength. I needed what this man was about to give me. I needed him like I needed air to breathe and water to drink. I lifted my bottom just a little higher and waited to be taken to heaven.
William returned. He had changed into his black jogging pants and t-shirt. He placed something down on to the arm of the chair, but I daren't look around. I remained absolutely still and silent. He bent over and kissed my back and ran his hand over my bottom.
"A man could go to war in defence of a body like yours, you know. You hold most men in the palm of your hand, even strict Doms such as me, and you have no idea of the power you have, do you? I don't think I have ever met another beautiful woman who has less awareness of her beauty as you have."
I didn’t reply. I don't think he expected a reply. I’d heard this before, and perhaps he was right. From childhood I had never been told I was pretty and grew up with the idea that I was quite ordinary. Even after I was discovered by the modelling agency, and became one of the world's top models, I never really believed that I was beautiful. I always thought my success was the result of a fluke, and that one day I would be found out and exposed as a fake. Perhaps the messages I’d heard over the years from men were at last starting to get through the barrier that I had erected around my fragile psyche.
My thoughts were interrupted by a sharp slap on my bottom by William's hand. I snapped my attention back to the present. Then came another stroke. I breathed deep. I was back in the zone where I wanted to be. All I could think of was this powerful, masculine man standing behind me, raising his arm and bringing his hand sharply and crisply down, warming my flesh and lifting us both to the joyful place of sexual excitement and passion.
William gave me about twenty strokes with his hand, before stopping and reaching between my legs. He plunged two fingers into my sex. I gave a deep groan in response to the sudden intrusion. A sexual tremor went from my pussy to my brain, and back again. God, I wanted this man so badly.
"Yes, Marianne, you want me as much as I want you, don't you?"
"I want you so badly. Please fuck me, Sir."
He didn’t reply, but pushed me down on to the chair, so that I was kneeling on the cushion and leaning over the chair back. I felt his hard body press up behind me and he pulled down his jogging pants. He leaned over me and I could feel his breath against my neck. He took the lobe of my ear into his mouth and gently bit on it, before kissing it.
There was nothing I wanted more than to wake up every morning next to him, even if I was tied to the bedpost.



"Do you like strawberries and cream Marianne? I’ve just tasted one and they are sweet and juicy."
"Yes, Sir."
"Good. Open your mouth for me."
He pressed a large strawberry, dipped in cream gently against my lips and I opened them to take a bite. When I had finished it I licked my lips.
"You have a little cream left on your lip. Let me lick it off."
His tongue swirled around my lips and removed whatever was there.
"Now it’s my turn to eat one, and I plan to eat mine from a very special dish."
I felt a strawberry placed on my stomach, in the dip of my belly button.
"I'd like some cream on mine too."
A small amount of cream was poured on top of the strawberry, and then William bent over and ate the fruit from me, licking around the skin to lap up the cream. I gave a soft moan, wondering if it was possible to orgasm from the simple effect of strawberry eating.
He fed me another strawberry, and this time he ate the next two from my breasts, making sure to lick the cream off thoroughly.
"There’s one more place from where I would like to finish dessert."
I guessed the place he had in mind. Sure enough his fingers went down between my legs and a large strawberry was pressed between the lips of my labia.
"You seem to be producing your own juice down here. I don't think this strawberry needs any cream. Would you like to taste yourself Marianne?"
The question didn’t require an answer it seemed, as William plucked the strawberry from its hiding place and placed in my open mouth. I could taste and smell my own excitement on the surface of the fruit.
"I think that the juice down here needs licking away, don't you?"
William went down between my legs and began to lick my pussy. I was on the edge of exploding with pleasure and he must have sensed it.
"I want you to come, Marianne. I want to watch you come."
He lifted his head, but his fingers remained to massage my clit, while he thrust other fingers inside me. I called out as the most intense feeling of pleasure that I have ever felt radiated out from somewhere deep within my groin and sent shivers and goose bumps to my extremities. I wanted it to go on forever.
William took off the silk scarf and saw my eyes were misted with tears, but they were tears of joy at the experience he’d just given me. He bent over and kissed me hard on my lips. I could see an expression of lust in his eyes. He hadn't finished with me yet.

Was it to be pleasure or pain this time, or perhaps a combination of both, given in the way that only he can?

About Juliette:
I write erotic romance as both Juliette Banks and Rachel de Vine, and love to write about sensual, romantic and erotic characters who lead interesting lives, and who often have to overcome challenges along the way. I prefer to write erotic romance, rather than straight erotica, because I am essentially a romantic person, but I also like to involve my characters in an exciting life of Dominance and submission at different levels.
I am British, love the rural life and live in a beautiful home in the middle of the rolling English countryside. I also like to travel around the world from time to time, and have visited some beautiful and exciting places on the way. I am forever grateful that I was born in a place and at a time to take advantage of the freedoms and pleasures that are still denied to many people of the world. We must never take such freedom for granted.
Contact Links:
Amazon Author Page http://amzn.to/2vNL39e

You Tube Channel http://bit.ly/2v2oHUe

Facebook page http://bit.ly/2u33KUE












Monday, May 22, 2017

Highland Pursuits is FREE until May 25th



Emmanuelle de Maupassant recently launched her saucy 1920s romance romp: 'Highland Pursuits’. To celebrate, she’s offering a free copy for your Kindle – but only for a few days, from 22-25th May. Don’t miss out.

There’s also a signed paperback of ‘Highland Pursuits’ up for grabs.

Do drop your name in the hat here.


1920s debutante Lady Ophelia Finchingfield is banished to wildest Scotland to come to her senses, having refused a proposal from the Earl of Woldershire. In the care of her eccentric grandmother, Ophelia is soon caught between rugged widower Hamish and the villainous Comte de Montefiore.

She’s ready to play with fire, but will she burn more than her fingers?




What readers are saying

I can’t tell you how much I love this book. It was a true delight to read. The author has captured 1920s Britain wonderfully, and her detail is exquisite. – Rachel De Vine

As a comedy of manners, this is exceptionally well done. – Fionna Guillaume 

Highland Pursuits is a wry, clever, incredibly sexy romp… a completely engrossing, utterly enjoyable read. I can't recommend it highly enough…fabulously fun - Malin James

The scene was set beautifully… I felt like I went back in time to high society Scotland - Christine of Sweet and Spicy Reads

   

Find 'Highland Pursuits' on Goodreads and for sale on Amazon 

’ 

Pssst…  if you enjoy Highland Pursuits, don’t forget to leave a review. Reviews make books more visible online, bringing new eyes. If you're on Twitter or Facebook, tag Emmanuelle in your review post and she'll say hello. 



Social Media Links


Explore Emmanuelle’s website here
Find her on Twitter here
and on Facebook here
or sign up for Emmanuelle’s newsletter here
(exclusive giveaways and goodies)










Monday, May 8, 2017

A long deferred update

I admit, I have never been the most consistent blogger...but lately I have been completely absent. My apologies, but my attention has been elsewhere. First, there was the disastrous election here in the US, which left me fighting to keep my head from exploding. Then my personal world was knocked for a huge loop when my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

If you are interested, the early stages of the process are documented on his GoFundMe page (because, of course, we have no money set aside for a disaster of this magnitude). Now the surgical recovery is complete, and we have embarked on the long, exhausting path of chemotherapy and radiation. 

On top of all that, I am now the primary driver for the family, making sure Paul makes it to all his doctor's appointments, my son makes it to school and work, and his girlfriend makes it to her job...plus, of course, all the ancillary running around for groceries, prescriptions, and all the places a couple of 21 year olds need to get to!

So, for now, writing is kind of on the back burner. I have the desire, but very little time to actually sit down and type without constant interruption. Hopefully this will change and I will soon have better writing related news to post here!

Friday, April 21, 2017

Release Day - Morrow's Horizon by Sierra Kummings


Morrow’s Horizon, the first in an all-new series of standalones from Sierra Kummings is now LIVE!

Morrow’s Horizon by Sierra Kummings
Genre: Contemporary Romance

Blood, and love for a special little girl, bind the five Morrow sisters in an unbreakable way. Yet the family-devoted Sara Morrow yearns for more.

And that “more” looks a lot like the irresistible Jacob Ramírez.

For years, Sara’s contented herself with toe-curling fantasies about the CFO of the bank that employs her – all the while promising herself she’d never fall for the type of passion that destroyed her parent’s marriage. But when the one and only Latin six-foot-four god accepts her offer of help and turns her fantasies into reality, she’s forced to decide if it’s worth finding out if her boss is everything she’s dreamed of, or just the manifestation of all her fears.

Jacob has his own set of fears. Right out of high school, he joined the Marines, only to come home six years later with night terrors that haunt even his days. Now, at thirty-three, rudimentary techniques keep his secret hidden.

Until a chance meeting with Sara Morrow coincides with a deception that rocks him to his core.

When Sara’s faith is tested, her sisters’ love gives her the courage to believe in someone else. When Jacob’s is tested, he has to learn how to believe in himself.

Read Today!
Amazon US: http://amzn.to/2nvXdyc
Amazon UK: https://goo.gl/EyN654

Add to GoodReads: https://goo.gl/XZfKYk

About the Author:

Sierra Kummings is a writer of contemporary erotic romances. Her three loves are her family, writing, and chocolate–though not always in that order. She discovered creative writing in high school, but set her dream aside to pursue a master’s degree in professional counseling. She now puts her degree to good use strengthening characters that have been in her head since her teens. In addition to penning hot romances, she also proudly claims the title of mother to an incredible little girl who inspires her every day.

Connect with the Author:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SierraKummingsAuthor/
Twitter: @SierraKummings
Stay up to date with Sierra by signing up for her newsletter:
http://www.sierrakummings.com/newsletter/
http://www.sierrakummings.com

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Release Day - Highland Pursuits by Emmanuelle de Maupassant

Emmanuelle de Maupassant is thrilled to announce the launch of her saucy 1920s romance romp: 'Highland Pursuits’.




In celebration, Emmanuelle is not only offering three signed paperback copies, via Goodreads here, but has her entire catalogue on sale for 99c/99p from March 1st-8th: Baby Love, Scarlet, Cautionary Tales and Gentlemen's Club (as recommended by Stylist Magazine)





1920s debutante Lady Ophelia Finchingfield is banished to wildest Scotland to come to her senses, having refused a proposal from the Earl of Woldershire. In the care of her eccentric grandmother, Ophelia is soon caught between rugged widower Hamish and the villainous Comte de Montefiore.

She’s ready to play with fire, but will she burn more than her fingers?




What readers are saying

I can’t tell you how much I love this book. It was a true delight to read. The author has captured 1920s Britain wonderfully, and her detail is exquisite. – Rachel De Vine

As a comedy of manners, this is exceptionally well done. – Fionna Guillaume 

Highland Pursuits is a wry, clever, incredibly sexy romp… a completely engrossing, utterly enjoyable read. I can't recommend it highly enough…fabulously fun - Malin James

The scene was set beautifully… I felt like I went back in time to high society Scotland - Christine of Sweet and Spicy Reads



   


Find 'Highland Pursuits' on Goodreads  and for sale on Amazon


   

   

Emmanuelle sends enormous thanks to her editor, Adrea Kore, for her help in bringing ‘Highland Pursuits’ into the world. She says: ‘Adrea is an incredibly talented writer, and a wonderful friend. Her editing skills helped bring the words alive. She is a marvel and I'm so glad that one day, forever ago, we found each other.’ 






'Highland Pursuits' draws inspiration from a short story of the same title Emmanuelle wrote originally for the charity fundraising anthology Because Beards: all proceeds have been given to the Movember Foundation.

This longer, novella, length offers more scope to explore the wonderful characters' eye-popping shenanigans. Hamish and Ophelia were in Emmanuelle’s dreams for many weeks, as she wrote this story. 

  


Pssst…  if you enjoy Highland Pursuits, don’t forget to leave a review. Reviews make books more visible online, bringing new eyes. If you're on Twitter or Facebook, tag Emmanuelle in your review post and she'll say hello. 




Social Media Links


Explore Emmanuelle’s website here
Find her on Twitter here
and on Facebook here
sign up for Emmanuelle’s newsletter here