Saturday, August 2, 2014

Standing at the Crossroads

I'm caught in a crossroads. Today is the funeral of a dear friend, and I can't be there. Not that my presence would matter to her other friends and family. They don't know me, she and I never met in real life. But I have lost something precious. You see, she was my first reader. Not a beta reader, although she did that as well. She was the one who read the drivel that poured out as it happened. The one who would call me on the phone and say 'finish the damn thing, I want to know how it ends' or 'unkill him immediately, what are you, crazy?'

We had the same birthday - not just the month and the date, but even the year. And perhaps that's part of it. I'm too young to die, so she should have been as well. I was sure I had time. I fiddled and diddled and slowed down to a crawl on my writing. I was conflicted . . .and now she'll never know how it ends, and I'm not sure if I will bother to finish. 

So, for now at least, my focus is shifting. The last book of the Shinobi Saga has been put aside for a while and I'm focusing all my efforts on Onna Bugeisha. I'm not sure if it will be good or lousy, I'm not really sure if I can even finish without a voice in my ear. All I can do is try. Wish me luck, please, I'm sailing without a compass and my sense of direction may not be the best!

1 comment:

  1. (Typing through tears) I'm so sorry to hear this, Sessha. How sad to lose someone you were connected to in so many ways. There are many muses, as well as power in your pain. Give yourself some time to heal and listen for a softer voice. (hugs)